have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
