my being single is dangerous.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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