At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
