yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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