You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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