drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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