It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
