haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
