Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
