to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
