i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
