i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
