At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
