Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
