I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
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