Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
