there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
