I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
