so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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