I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
