At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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