so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
