how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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