I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
