how can u be prego again
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Randomize
