is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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