I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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