I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
