sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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