he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
