i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
