hotel room ftw
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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