Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
