I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
