i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
