you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
