Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
sarcasm needs its own font
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
