oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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