Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I think my vagina is haunted
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
