I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm having to shit out rocks
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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