Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
