So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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