my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
