I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
