we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
