Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I came so hard my ears popped.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
