he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
