But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
