I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
