I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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